spiderman? more like suckman

Ok. So Beach yesterday? Fun. Haven’t been in the ocean in a while. It was nice seeing Angela again after a long ass time. Played some spud, waited around a while. Then we went to Denny’s to partake in some french fries. Then we saw Spiderman 2.

It sucked.

Nevermind the people smoking in the theater. Nevermind the guys making stupid/vulgar jokes in front of us. It just wasn’t that great a movie.

So this physicist guy comes up with an idea to create a renewable self-sustaining fusion energy source. o0o0o. Ok, so far, I’ll buy that. But then, in order to manipulate this source in its containment field, he develops a set of cybernetic arms that interface with his brain using an advanced Artificial Intelligence (which is apparently capable of self-preservation).

Ok. We’re getting a little out there. But its a movie, based on a comic book. So I can deal. But then it hits you. Why didn’t he sell the AI? Or even just the arms? You’d make billions off of selling either! Think of the uses in replacing limbs from amputation. Then it hits you again. Wait, this guy is a physicist. And he managed to create an AI that is far more advanced than any number of Computer Scientists out there could do, despite it being their life’s work. All while working on a Fusion reactor.

Ok. Minor plot inconsistency. Maybe he just missed his calling. Afterall, the AI seems to work masterfully, and the Fusion experiment is a dud.

But then we’re beat over the head with a Spiderman who is apparently losing his powers. And the movie is trying to tell us that he’s losing his powers because, deep down inside, he doesn’t want to be spiderman anymore.

Eh? So because he’s pissed cuz he’s not getting any and his aunt thinks he’s a full on loser and he can’t keep a job or good grades, its as if he was never bitten by a radioactive (er… genetically engineered) spider and his DNA now de-mutates?

Ok. If this was Batman, I could believe it. See, Bruce Wayne is a regular guy. It’s all his training and gear that makes him kick ass. If he decided he just wanted to hook up with a chick and ditch the bat suit, you couldn’t complain, cuz thats the man’s decision. (of course, it would be entirely out of character, but at least it would be consistant with our current suspension of disbelief)

But this ain’t Batman. This is a guy with genetically altered DNA. So its hard for me to keep that belief going.

Then, the train scene! So spidey loses his mask, and everyone on the train swears they won’t tell a soul? There wasn’t one greedy person on that train? No supervillains in the making? The little kids wouldn’t brag to their friends? None of those people could be coerced into telling?

Then the final scene. We’ve got to destroy the new, bigger fusion reactor. So what do we do with a fusion reactor thats self-sustaining and growing larger by the second? I know! The river! Let’s just dump it in the river! That’ll stop it! (…) So its dropped in the river, and when this thousands of degrees hits the water? No steam. Not even a hiss.

Then spiderman takes off his mask for about the 15th time in the movie and shows Mary Jane who he really is. At the end of the movie, Spiderman has everything he could ever want.

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