Looks like that (literal) clown that used to have this domain finally let go of it.
We live on a quiet street, in an old neighborhood, where I walk to an amazing coffee shop once a week or so. There’s a tiny little play kitchen tucked under the stairs inside this place, where I can sit and sip a fantastic cappuccino while watching my son start to make sense of the world.
That world is a more confusing place than it was seven years ago. I’ve always been a skeptic and a cynic, but somehow also an optimist. Emotionally, it’s a tough place to be these days. I’m not always sure how I’d explain things to him, if I had to. And yet, there’s no ‘if’, because I’ll spend the next 20+ years doing exactly that? I mean, the words that will come are sometimes obvious, but then the inevitable “But if that’s the case then why are they/it/we like that?”. I feel like I came into my skepticism organically. The idea of instilling a distrust of authority via the medium of parental wisdom seems… comical at best.
Forgive me; digressions in this space are as old as the space itself.
So how do you recap seven years?
Clare and I married. I finally got my bachelor’s degree and became a software engineer at a large tech company, and then moved on to a startup of all things, which was then acquired by the previously mentioned tech company. We bought a house in Esco, made numerous gardens, had a child, and said hard good byes to both of our cats. And that’s just a few things, just in my own life. I’ve lost track of the loaves of bread I’ve brought into the world.
Any one of those could have spanned multiple entries, but life has a mind of its own. I have it on good authority that writing is hard, but I was under no illusions otherwise. But I think it’s time to do the hard thing again.
The fog and the sky looked crazy the other day, I wished I had my camera with me. This winter’s rain has been amazing. People around here are starting to grumble, but I’m still in love with it. Let it keep coming for all of me. It really reminds me of the weather five years ago, the winter Clare and I got together. There was just crazy storm after crazy storm. It was such an amazing time… every time we’d go some place we’d see something beautiful. At the beach we watched loose sand blow gently over shoreline on a pitch black moonless night like the thinnest possible fog. On a drive down to the desert we saw millions and millions of butterflies migrating down Banner Grade. Walking around Julian when there was fog so thick you couldn’t see 10 feet in front of you. It just sort of made you feel alive and aware that you were surrounded by the world, and that there was magic in it… a beautiful way to start a relationship.
An old co-worker of mine from the Adult School, Michelle (not to be confused with Chelle from PetCo), wrote on her Facebook the other day about how her daughter had just lost her first tooth, and apparently hid the tooth for the tooth fairy so well that Michelle couldn’t find it to take and replace with money. She mentions how she crawled all over the room in the middle of the night with a flashlight and then finally says, “Why do we go to such lengths to deceive our children?”
I think thats the answer.
Listening to The Album Leaf, In A Safe Place, which seems appropriate.
Last night, I had a dream that I was driving one of those ridiculously high raised pickup trucks that had a ball hitch sticking out the back of it. We were in some parking lot way out in the country and I was doing a three point turn to get out of the parking lot. Then I somehow backed up and into a parked SUV that I didn’t see, my ball hitch smashing the rear window of the SUV.
The woman came out, rightly upset and so we did the whole insurance, take your information thing. Turns out it was Margaret Atwood (whom I had no idea what she looks like, nor what her ethnicity was prior to that Wikipedia lookup), and it turns out Margaret Atwood looks almost identical to Michelle Obama. I wonder what it is about your subconscious that just every once in a while looks around and says “Awh, fuck. Uhmmm… uhh… fuck it, you know what, just make her look like uhh…. Michelle Obama.” (also, raised white pickup truck? I know we’re moving back to SD, but, really subconscious? Do you really see that in our future?)