I gave it some thought last night, (you know, the long sleepless kind) and it occured to me; I don’t think fear is the problem…
I think that its inexperience… I have no idea what I’m doing, therefor nothing ever happens. Rather than fumbling around, I just wait… until I know, until someone gives me that experience. Because, really, I have no idea how to go about it.
Of course, there’s a small amount of fear, there always is, I think. You don’t want to mess anything up, and you’re afraid you might. But its not the driving factor; at least, it hasn’t been for a long time.
I saw a movie last night with Christopher Walken and another guy whom I don’t know but I know I’ve seen before. This guy (Jimmy was his character) walks by this girl in a club. They make eye contact and he goes over to her. He says to her, “Are you in love?”
“Why?”, she asks.
“Because, if you’re in love, I won’t bother. I’m not the type of man that would get in the way of another man’s happiness”
Ok, so it sounded pretty smooth at the time. But you gotta admit it has a certain style (despite it being a movie). That says “I know what I’m doing, and what I want.” It shows experience… not two failed on-line relationships. Anyways, its way past time for me to get on with it, and just blunder my way through it.