Try listening to “Transplants – Diamonds and Guns” before you go to bed. The dream you’ll have will be *quite* interesting.

Sad Freaking Day!

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Damn… I can take a hint…

I was going to post a *huge* entry. A very large entry. Largest. Entry. Ever. See, I figured out something really neat in C++ while working on a program. And then I decided to explain it. This turned out to be *quite* long. And while I don’t think it would be over anyone’s head (it’s easy to understand), I doubt very much that anyone would actually want to *read* all of that.

So. If you want to see how to return an array from a funtion in C++, drop me an email and I’ll send it – or maybe post it here. Otherwise, I’ll just be sitting back, basking in the warm glow of a working program.

Bill

Zoo today.

Dead Ass Broke.

Math teacher grows more annoying daily.

Got another parking ticket from the Shittiest Place on Earth. Where getting yo’ learn on is like trying to find a glass of water in the !@#^ing Sahara. If I haven’t mentioned it lately, if my options were to choose between going to SDSU and taking classes on a Street Corner; I’d take the street corner.

If you have ever thought of going to SDSU seriously rethink it. It might be nice in 10 years, and it used to be nice… but it ain’t now.

The apartment search goes on. I really really hope we can take Tyler Durden with us. If we could take Rascal I would… but bringing a 50 lb Chow would seriously dampen our options. ;o(

15 days til Christmas. Crap. See my 2nd line. If you don’t get a christmas present from me this year, don’t take it personal. I still love you.

Program works perfectly now. Only a final left in CS and I’m done with that class.

Tres! LAN GAME! ME NEED LAN GAME. TRES!

8 days til LOTR:TT!!! Sweetness. Lance wants me to wait to see it with him! ACK! He won’t be home til after the 18th! Dilemma.

Math time. Then Biology at the Zoo. I’ll be home sometime after 5-6 I hope. Prolly have to fight traffic though… we’ll see.

ttfn.

I will never understand people.

One thing I’ve come to realize though is that I’m going to be single for my entire life. I’m thinking the only way a girl will really like you is if you treat her like shit.

Anyways, thats my thought for tonight.

I hate being alone. More than anything at all. Tonight, I’m sleeping in an empty bed.

I hate being lonely.

I don’t know what to write.

I’m not sure whether I should talk about Mom’s computer dieing, and her talking about getting a brand new one ASAP because thats “the only thing Lance has up here”. The only thing. He’s miserable she says. Never smiles. never smiles. I remember 8th fucking grade. I remember a second story rooftop. I remember not having hope… I remember giving up. I remember deciding that if other people saw hope where I saw emptiness, there must be a reason. Not a Reason, but a reason. Not some cosmic Purpose, but a logical explanation. Something to sink your teeth into.

And God dammit, I remember my little brother who always smiles. Who can always find a reason to smile. Who was always happy to see his older brother, and tell him about whats going on. He’s like me in so many ways. That makes me even more sad. So shy. Funny and caring, but shy. But seldom is the person who cares enough to notice – even today.

Why did this have to be? Why did my brother have to go from jovial to depressed? And don’t tell me about PLANS. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT FSCKING PLANS. Who the fsck would want to torture an innocent 8th grader? Let alone two? Countless?

When did life turn into loathing going to class everyday, and just wanting it all to be over? Loathing going “home”, and wishing you lived away from family? Afraid of running into old friends on the street, or on campus because you haven’t spoken with them in months.

Last night was the first night I’ve ever actually had to turn a girl down. I felt horrible. What made it worse was the fact that its Michelle’s little sister, Lyndsay. There’s a little twist of fate.

So is this what life is going to become now? Living through my own life with its rejections and lack of hope… all while hearing about Lance reliving my life from 7 years ago? I hope he does better than I did. For my sake as well as his.

I should be there. For him. For my little sister. For my mom. Who’s going to frown and Melanie’s boyfriends, while later pulling them aside and telling them where she’s ticklish? I won’t get to watch her grow up. She’s going to be so pretty. She’s not shy, either. I’m sure while she misses everyone, she’s still doing just fine where she is. But Lance. Lance I’m so sorry. I’m probably a terrible older brother.

Here it is, Christmas. Most wonderful time of the year my ass.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,

Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

“When you coming home?” “I don’t know when,

But we’ll get together then.

You know we’ll have a good time then.”

-Harry Chapin

So on Wednesday Tres, Tris, Mollie and I all cruised up the state to Valencia to my dad’s house… the Whulianers fell asleep on the way up, and Mollie nodded off once or twice, but all in all, it was a good trip with little in the way of traffic.

Thanksgiving was good…. LAN-gaming aplenty…. gonna have to have a LAN party at Tres’ some time this winter or something…

And then there was Turkey! But even better – Turkey sandwiches! But wait! No Mustard! They were out of mustard *tear*. Oh well. Still good.

Then came the 31 game. I won’t say much except for: MOTHERFASOVASODGWORJJ@@#$!@%!#R!#%!@^@@@@@.

I lost.

The way back from Valencia on Friday was freaky “as all get out”. It was raining like water was going outta style. We almost got gibbed by lightning (well, not really, but it was hella close).

And then we randomly decided to stop by Fry’s (yeah, not gonna link to that site cuz it is possibly the worst website for a business, ever. It has nothing useful on it.) on the way home and now we have a DVD player…. a nice APEX AD-1600. Plays DVD’s, audio CD’s, CD-R’s, CD-RW’s, Mp3 CDs, VCDs, even JPEG’s in a slideshow kind of format. Nifty. Now if only Mollie’s family would send a CD that had more than just the same 12 pics on it, repeated a couple dozen times, it’d be great.

So I bought the special edition LOTR (which kicks ass) and got Mollie Three To Tango.

In the meantime, though, I have to get food and shower, so I’ll add to this a bit more later.