Well, it *was* a long entry

I was going to post a *huge* entry. A very large entry. Largest. Entry. Ever. See, I figured out something really neat in C++ while working on a program. And then I decided to explain it. This turned out to be *quite* long. And while I don’t think it would be over anyone’s head (it’s easy to understand), I doubt very much that anyone would actually want to *read* all of that.

So. If you want to see how to return an array from a funtion in C++, drop me an email and I’ll send it – or maybe post it here. Otherwise, I’ll just be sitting back, basking in the warm glow of a working program.

Bill

fragmental update

Zoo today.

Dead Ass Broke.

Math teacher grows more annoying daily.

Got another parking ticket from the Shittiest Place on Earth. Where getting yo’ learn on is like trying to find a glass of water in the !@#^ing Sahara. If I haven’t mentioned it lately, if my options were to choose between going to SDSU and taking classes on a Street Corner; I’d take the street corner.

If you have ever thought of going to SDSU seriously rethink it. It might be nice in 10 years, and it used to be nice… but it ain’t now.

The apartment search goes on. I really really hope we can take Tyler Durden with us. If we could take Rascal I would… but bringing a 50 lb Chow would seriously dampen our options. ;o(

15 days til Christmas. Crap. See my 2nd line. If you don’t get a christmas present from me this year, don’t take it personal. I still love you.

Program works perfectly now. Only a final left in CS and I’m done with that class.

Tres! LAN GAME! ME NEED LAN GAME. TRES!

8 days til LOTR:TT!!! Sweetness. Lance wants me to wait to see it with him! ACK! He won’t be home til after the 18th! Dilemma.

Math time. Then Biology at the Zoo. I’ll be home sometime after 5-6 I hope. Prolly have to fight traffic though… we’ll see.

ttfn.

Why?

I don’t know what to write.

I’m not sure whether I should talk about Mom’s computer dieing, and her talking about getting a brand new one ASAP because thats “the only thing Lance has up here”. The only thing. He’s miserable she says. Never smiles. never smiles. I remember 8th fucking grade. I remember a second story rooftop. I remember not having hope… I remember giving up. I remember deciding that if other people saw hope where I saw emptiness, there must be a reason. Not a Reason, but a reason. Not some cosmic Purpose, but a logical explanation. Something to sink your teeth into.

And God dammit, I remember my little brother who always smiles. Who can always find a reason to smile. Who was always happy to see his older brother, and tell him about whats going on. He’s like me in so many ways. That makes me even more sad. So shy. Funny and caring, but shy. But seldom is the person who cares enough to notice – even today.

Why did this have to be? Why did my brother have to go from jovial to depressed? And don’t tell me about PLANS. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT FSCKING PLANS. Who the fsck would want to torture an innocent 8th grader? Let alone two? Countless?

When did life turn into loathing going to class everyday, and just wanting it all to be over? Loathing going “home”, and wishing you lived away from family? Afraid of running into old friends on the street, or on campus because you haven’t spoken with them in months.

Last night was the first night I’ve ever actually had to turn a girl down. I felt horrible. What made it worse was the fact that its Michelle’s little sister, Lyndsay. There’s a little twist of fate.

So is this what life is going to become now? Living through my own life with its rejections and lack of hope… all while hearing about Lance reliving my life from 7 years ago? I hope he does better than I did. For my sake as well as his.

I should be there. For him. For my little sister. For my mom. Who’s going to frown and Melanie’s boyfriends, while later pulling them aside and telling them where she’s ticklish? I won’t get to watch her grow up. She’s going to be so pretty. She’s not shy, either. I’m sure while she misses everyone, she’s still doing just fine where she is. But Lance. Lance I’m so sorry. I’m probably a terrible older brother.

Here it is, Christmas. Most wonderful time of the year my ass.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,

Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

“When you coming home?” “I don’t know when,

But we’ll get together then.

You know we’ll have a good time then.”

-Harry Chapin

DVDapalooza

So on Wednesday Tres, Tris, Mollie and I all cruised up the state to Valencia to my dad’s house… the Whulianers fell asleep on the way up, and Mollie nodded off once or twice, but all in all, it was a good trip with little in the way of traffic.

Thanksgiving was good…. LAN-gaming aplenty…. gonna have to have a LAN party at Tres’ some time this winter or something…

And then there was Turkey! But even better – Turkey sandwiches! But wait! No Mustard! They were out of mustard *tear*. Oh well. Still good.

Then came the 31 game. I won’t say much except for: MOTHERFASOVASODGWORJJ@@#$!@%!#R!#%!@^@@@@@.

I lost.

The way back from Valencia on Friday was freaky “as all get out”. It was raining like water was going outta style. We almost got gibbed by lightning (well, not really, but it was hella close).

And then we randomly decided to stop by Fry’s (yeah, not gonna link to that site cuz it is possibly the worst website for a business, ever. It has nothing useful on it.) on the way home and now we have a DVD player…. a nice APEX AD-1600. Plays DVD’s, audio CD’s, CD-R’s, CD-RW’s, Mp3 CDs, VCDs, even JPEG’s in a slideshow kind of format. Nifty. Now if only Mollie’s family would send a CD that had more than just the same 12 pics on it, repeated a couple dozen times, it’d be great.

So I bought the special edition LOTR (which kicks ass) and got Mollie Three To Tango.

In the meantime, though, I have to get food and shower, so I’ll add to this a bit more later.

Mickeyland, Moroccan Lesbians and more

It’s been a while…. such is life.

Do you have a home? I don’t think I do. I don’t think I’ve had a home in a long time. The times I did have a home… it was never for very long…. a few years maybe. I always moved. For example, I don’t consider my mom’s apartment to have been a ‘home’. I’m not sure why not…. or what criteria is used to figure it out… its just a feeling.

I’m never alone, I’m alone all the time are you at one or do you lie we live in a wheel where everyone steels but when we rise it’s like strawberry fields

So Mollie, Chelle, and I all went to the Tragic Kingdom… it was good fun… I definitly needed it… I think we all did. California Adventure definitly doesn’t suck as much as was anticipated by many…. it doesn’t live up to the hype, either. If you can get discounted tixx (like we did) I’d go for it.

What else is new…. Oh. If you are blonde, do not (I repeat, *do not*) go to Morocco. There is a very possible chance you could be kidnapped while visiting a belly dancer show by a group of lesbians. Consider this your only warning.

Oh yeah… I’m working on this program. So far its ~120 lines of C++ code.. and it all works really well! It’s not done yet, but its coming along very nicely. And its all done in a very OOP style

And there must be a way for things to get better than it was here today I damn near upset her with the way that I am the way that she wants me to be.

Forgive my breaking out into song… I’m just listening to some various tunes.

Well, I think thats all for tonight… I’m going to Dad’s for thanksgiving… its gonna be great.

ttfn

the bitter entry

(If you’re not in the mood to listen to me rant, go ahead and skip this one, cuz thats all it is.)

Have you ever just wanted to tell someone “Fuck you” but you couldn’t figure out who, or why?

Ugh. The last few days have definitly had their ups and downs. Maybe this will help the crabby mood I’ve been in lately.

(In no particular order.)

My mom is gone. More appropriately, my family is gone. I didn’t even get to say bye. Missed my little brother’s birthday. What makes all this even more frustrating is that the rest of the household left to go help mom move in – and didn’t even let me know that they were going to until the night before. And “oh, you can feed the horses, right?”

Thanks. Thanks a lot. Oh, and btw, thanks, Brianna, for not letting me know you were in labor. Or Aunt Lanie. Or anyone. Cuz I didn’t care. That pissed me off… cuz you know, its so hard to knock on my door? Or for aunt Lanie to tell me as I’m walking past her? Or for someone (anyone to leave me a fscking message on my answering machine?

Nope, instead I come home to an empty house, wondering where everyone is until I call my mom, who tells me.

Then there’s work. I’ve come to the conclusion that one of my managers, Leza, is a sexist bitch. Every friday, we get a shipment of stock in. This past friday, I came in, and was told by Joe that I would be closing fish that night. And could I do this, that, and the other?

Cool. I can do that. No problem. Nothing I can’t handle.

Then Lindsey comes over. “Bill, Leza wants you to take your lunch. Then I’m going to be in fish, while you do load.”

Blank stare. “Have you ever worked in fish?”

Nope.

“Have you ever even bagged a fish?”

Nope.

“Do you know anything about fish at all?”

No. She wants you to tell me what I need to do to close fish, and you to work on load, after your lunch.

“Fuck. Ok, well, I guess I’m not hungry anyways, so I’m going to clock out, take off my uniform and come over and show you how things work.”

So thats what I did. At this point, I’ll mention that Leza did the same thing to me (and probably others).

So after my lunch, I clock back in, head back over to fish to finish up telling her what all needs to be done, and I get stuck over there. Thats when Leza paged me over the PA. “Bill call the office.” And she proceeded to bitch about me not working on load. And telling me I had to get out of fish.

Fine. I’m outta fish. Sorry Lindsey. I came back 10 minutes later and found 15 odd people sitting around, waiting for help. I can’t exactly walk past them all, so I take a couple customers. And a few minutes later get yelled at for being in fish.

The truly annoying part about all this is that I’m not the only one who could have done load. Or Fish. So instead of putting Holly in Fish and Lindsey on register, she did it the other way.

The real kicker was the next night. This past saturday there was close to nothing to do, and we had tons of extra people. Nothing to do except in the fish department, where I had to do all the stuff from the night before that Lindsey couldn’t, plus the stuff Joe wanted me to do that night.

So who else was there that night? Judy, Yvonne, Chelle, Holly, and Leza. At the end of the night, everyone is done, its 10 minutes til we’re outta there, I’m still running my ass off doing stuff in fish and she calls me and tells me to do the trash and fill up the cat litter bar.

“But I’ve still got this and this to do in fish.”

Oh, I don’t care, just do this now.

Thankfully, Holly and Michelle were standing right there, so they helped me do that stuff real quick.

Anyways. So it just seems to me that Leza makes guys do all the manual labor and dirty work.

Oh, and my math teacher is dumb. She thought I missed 6 days of class in a row. Then I told her to check her sheet, and she tells me today that I only missed 1. Which is still not the actual 3 days I’ve missed, but whatever. Like I said, she’s dumb.

And now I have to go to class, so I’ll add to this later. Don’t worry, the next entry tonight will be all the cool/fun/happy stuff thats happened in the past few days.